Ben Douglass: December 2010 Archives
I have decided to end my online literary magazine - USA FREE PRESS - and its blog, "The Fearless Observer." My domain account will expire on December 30. 2011.
But, please, don't worry!
The writings will continue under a different name and different location. Please bookmark the following links:
THE MAIN SITE
http://www.bendouglasspublishingtrust.biz
THE ESSAYS
http://www.americanjournal.yolasite.com
ROSE CITY BEAT BLOG
http://www.rosecitybeat.yolasite.com
On Wednesday, November 3, 2010, at 5:35 PM, my beautiful cat and dear companion stepped gently and quietly into that great mysterious expanse we call the hereafter.
Dexter lived on earth for 19 years. My partner, Ave, found her in a Safeway parking lot in another neighborhood while grocery shopping. Attempts to find out who she might belong to failed and the vet gave her a clean bill of health as well as that special operation. She was a beautiful calico cat with one of the most sweetest dispositions you want in a cat. She ended up being a worthy companion.
Dexter was a timid kitty with a seemingly fragile personality. She was easily spoofed by the most common interactions that are typical of a cats life. Whether it was a crazed, kamikaze like bumble-bee, a curious hummingbird or a loud noise from the street, she would react as if it was the end of the world, and go scurrying under a bush or behind a fence.
During her senior years it was the simple things that mattered to her. During the nice weather her favorite activity was laying under the fig tree near the bed of shallots in our front yard. She would lay there for hours basking in the sun, waiting to be startled back into reality by an errant butterfly or ladybug. During the bad weather she still wanted to be outside so we built a kitty condo on the side of the house with padding and a blanket. She would hunker down in it and watch the wind or rain come and go.
Another pleasure of Dexter's was vanilla bean ice cream. For the last 5 years she enjoyed a teaspoon of ice cream several times weekly. It got to be such a habit that if we forgot, she would position herself on the table behind the couch and wait, meow and stare unblinkingly at us. One day we found to our horror that we were out of ice cream. We substituted whipped cream from the can and Dexter became an immediate affectionado of Land O' Lakes heavy whipping cream. In fact, towards the very last months of her life, she preferred it over vanilla bean ice cream.
It wasn't until the last several years of her life that she truly became affectionate, especially towards my partner, Ave. Before she seemed just fine being an observer on the periphery of our family. And she didn't mind staying outside as much as she could. In fact, only the most inclimate weather would drive her indoors and once there she acted like a prisoner. The last two years, though, she voluntarily came inside to visit and often stayed through the night.
A typical evening would find Ave and me watching a favorite television program and having a late dinner. Dexter would sit to my left on the arm of the couch staring at me. Sometimes it would be strangely cute. She would sit there for such long periods of time just staring, even after getting lots of pets and hugs. During her life she had to put up with four other cats and three dogs who she managed to tolerate. If the others got too crazy she would flee the room and retire to a warm niche in the third bedroom we used as an office. There she would snooze and dream.
The last year of her life she actually became quite the social butterfly, spending much time with us and the other animals in the front room. It was about 6 months ago that Dexter started losing weight and looking quite narly, wispy and bony. Sometimes Ave had to get a damp cloth and give her a bath because she was not taking care of herself. Because of her teeth we started a regime of canned food mostly. And we also started giving her a shot of whipped cream almost every morning.
We talked with our vet about Dexter and the doctor simply said she's just getting old and it was important that we "bulk her up anyway possible." She seemed to maintain okay on the canned food and whipped cream for awhile. But during the last month she lost more weight and looked and felt bony. It was at this point we knew she wouldn't be around this holiday season. We spent more time making a fuss over her and simply having chats with her.
The day before her death started out quite wet and foggy but by mid-afternoon the sky was mostly clear and the temperature rose to 58-degrees. It was noticeable that Dexter was not doing well. She lost all desire to eat wet food and even ignored her whipped cream. It suddenly dawned on us just how skinny she really was. It was like skin pulled over a small bag of bones. I let her outside under close supervision so she could enjoy the day. She spent the afternoon moving with the sun rays around the yeard. I thought to myself, "How pathetic she looks." I brought her in around 4 PM and gave her lots of pets and hugs. She purred alot and looked at me with those big brown eyes. She retired to the bedroom and took a very long nap on one of the dog beds.
Ave and me came to the conclusion that Dexter may not make it through the night. So Ave brought her to bed at 11:30 PM and nestled her between us. Dexter stayed which was unusual because she never slept with us in all of her 19 years. At about 1:30 AM I felt Dexter moving about under the covers trying to get out so I got up and took her to the front room and layed her down in her kitty bed.
On Dexter's final day of life I got up at 7:30 AM. I didn't immediately find her and looked all through the house. I eventually found her sleeping underneath the couch next to the heat vent. She was alive but awefully weak. She refused water and even whipped cream. I was glad it was my day off so I could be with her in her final moments. Her eyes were open while sleeping which isn't a good sign. This usually means the body is shutting down and the muscles around the eyes tighten up so the eye lids can't close properly. Death is usually just hours away when this phenomenon occurs. Ave left for work and I decided to go have coffee and read the morning paper at a local cafe. I gave Dexter a really big kiss before I left.
I came back home at 9:30 AM and Dexter was still alive but barely moving, and breathing in a laborious manner. Around 11:30 AM Ave called from work on an update. I told her that Dexter's eyes were open but the lenses seemed like they've fogged over and her pupils were very large and round. I did get her to drink a little bit of water from a medicine dropper. I moved her from her kitty bed to a fluffy red blanket on the floor below the front room window, so she could get some sun rays from the sun. She stretched out on her side but now was unable to even stand on her own. I sat with her in the quiet of the house and read a book, occassionally giving her a pet and talking with her. It was a beautiful fall day, breezy, clear skies, 70-degrees, and colorful leaves bursting out everywhere. It was the kind of day Dexter would have enjoyed under different circumstances.
Around 3:30 PM Dexter seemed mostly non-responsive. I think she had a stroke and slipped into a coma. Her eyes were tracking my movements and I heard a slight purr when I petted her. She had a few grabbing movements with her front legs which is sometimes indicative in comatose animals. Her breathing was heavy at this point. I tried lifting her head but she seemed like a rag doll. Her jaw was partially open and staying that way which is another sign of coma. At 4:15 PM I knew that she would go anytime so I went outside and prepared her grave under the fig tree. One of my colored tee shirts became a funerary shroud to wrap her in.
I was in the kitchen making myself a cup of tea around 5:15 PM and decided to check on Dexter and noticed her body was in a different position than before. She was still on her side but her back and head were arched backwards and her mouth wide open. I didn't see any movement of breathing from her side but she was taking in quick short breaths with very long pauses between. This went on 15 minutes. She was not in pain. I just had to wait untill all signs of life were gone before I buried her. Dexter was gone but her wisp of a body kept hanging on in a mechanical fashion. Finally all bodily movements ceased. I waited for another 15 minutes just to make sure but there was no doubt she had gone.
I wrapped her feather weight body in my colored tee shirt and layed her in her new resting place under the fig tree. I sprinkled some catnip leaves on top of her and stood motionless in silence for 5 minutes. I covered her with the dirt and positioned a series of small bricks on top to permanently mark the spot. Never again would she gaze at me with those big brown eyes and purr melodiously. Never again will she chastise me for forgetting her whipped cream in the morning. Never again will she be utterly spoofed by a butterfly or loud noise. Never again will she bask in the summer sun in the front yard. Now she is forever walking that clean sunlit path in kitty heaven with her brothers and sisters who have gone on before.
